Thoughts

THE TIME IS HERE
EVERYDAY WITH THE STRIKE OF THE 3RD HOUR
I WANTED TO KEEP THEM HOME
WE TRIED WITH ALL OUR POWER

AS I GET INTO MY CAR
I WONDER WHAT I WILL FIND
WILL ALL BE NORMAL
OR WILL THEY BE IN ANOTHER STATE OF MIND

WALKING IN TRYING TO BE UPBEAT
I SAY HELLO
AND THEY BLANKLY STARE
WAITING LIKE LITTLE BIRDS
SEEING WHAT YOU BROUGHT THEM TO EAT

I SPEAK VERY LOUD SO DAD WILL HEAR
A SINCERE GREETING I GIVE
BUT NOTHING IN RETURN-MY BIGGEST FEAR
HOW AWFUL THE LIFE IN HIS MIND HE MUST LIVE

SEARCHING FOR LOVE FROM MY MOTHER
WHICH SHE ALWAYS HAD
SHE JUST SITS THERE SPEECHLESS AND STARING
IT HURTS ME SO BAD

I TELL MYSELF, MAKE THE BEST OF IT YOU CAN
HER SUCH A FRAIL LADY
ONCE STRONG,NOW A WEAK MAN

NOW IN THEIR WHEELCHAIRS, AND ON THE GO
MOM TO THE DINING ROOM
DAD DOWN THE HALL
THEY BEGIN TO ROAM
BOTH WITH THE SAME GOAL
WANTING TO GO HOME

MOM JUST SITS IN HER CHAIR
GOING THROUGH A BOX OF TISSUE
DAD SITS IN HIS
GIVING ORDERS AND DEMANDS ARE HIS ISSUE

OH HOW I LONG TO HEAR THOSE WORDS
I LOVE YOU
ONCE WERE WORDS THEY USED TO SAY
NOW MEMORIES I HOLD CLOSE
DAY AFTER DAY

SITTING IN THE DINING ROOM
CONVERSATION ALL ONE SIDED
"WHY" I ASK MYSELF
BUT I KNOW THAT BY THE LAWS OF LOVE IVE ABIDED

WE SIT THERE ALL LOOKING AT EACH OTHER
THEIR EYES SO EMPTY AND HOLLOW
I JUST WANT TO BRING THEM HOME
BUT IT IS REALITY NOT EMOTIONS I MUST FOLLOW

WELL THE TIME IS NOW APPROACHING
TIME FOR ME TO LEAVE
CARA WILL BE COMING TO OVER SEE THEIR MEAL
IF I COULD JUST EXPRESS TO THEM EXACTLY HOW I FEEL

I WISH WE COULD PUT OUR EMOTIONS ON THE TABLE
IM SURE THEY WOULD
IF ONLY THEY WERE ABLE

OH ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE ADVICE TO GIVE
BUT WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE
ITS WITH MYSELF I HAVE TO LIVE

WELL-IF YOU WERE ON FACEBOOK
I WOULD GIVE YOU BOTH LIKES
SO FOR NOW ILL SEE YOU AGAIN
WHEN ON THE 3RD HOUR
THE MANTLE CLOCK STRIKES

I LOVE YOU BOTH SO VERY MUCH
THERE IS A PLACE IN MY HEART
ONLY YOU CAN TOUCH

SO OUT THE DOOR
LEAVING THEM BOTH BEHIND
HOPING THAT WHILE IM GONE
 PEOPLE WILL TREAT THEM KIND

Mountain Climbing

Mountains? We all have to climb them....they maybe personal, financial, spiritual, trouble within our families-broken relationships, hurt feelings-i could go on and on. What is the mountain in your life today? Is it something that is too big for God to handle? Are we letting God handle it or are we really staying involved and trying to solve it ourselves?
My journey of a thousand steps as the song states started for me in July of 2004. Rather than go into all the details surrounding my circumstances, I would like to share with you a time line of the mountains that have taken place in my life:
Married in July of 2003 at the age of 35
Diagnosed with massive Schwannoma Brain Tumor in July of 2004 before my 1 year anniversary
Had my first tumor removal in Nov of 2004 (this surgery caused alot of complications including-hearing loss, loss of proper speech, loss of writing skills, tongue swollen outside of my mouth, could not walk, lacked fine motor skills and was being fed by a feeding tube) Total time to recover from this surgery was approx. 2 yrs
2nd tumor removal in Nov of 2006- This was a very big surgery but had fewer complications. Things I like to remember were having a shaved head that I could really get into and developed an accent in which people thought I was from another country!
Returned for my 6 month check in April of 2008 only to find the remainder of the tumor was aggressively growing
so in May of 2008 I underwent an 81/2 hr surgery and started leaking brain fluid out of my ear where they had just reconstructed a man made ear drum
in June of 2008 they gave me a spinal drain in hopes of stopping the leak NOPE
Later that same monthI had to have my rt ear permanently sealed
released to go home, but started leaking BF out of my nose
tried several ways to stop the leak but eventually back into the hospital for another spinal drain which this time fixed the leak
however I developed MRSAwhich is a severe staff infection then
Due to complications I had to have my rt eye permanently closed
July 28th of 2008 went back for a post MRI onlt to find another brain tumor had formed from the remaining cells from the prior surgery on my brain stem. All in just 6 weeks
July of 2008 had surgery again to remove what they could. Had to leave some behind, it is inoperable.
In Sept 2008 I endured 6 wks M-F going to Cleveland for radiation to confuse the cells of the tumor to slow or stop their growth sofar that has worked! PTL
Went through 6 wks of severe depression-stayed in bed, did not bathe regularly, did not want to talk to anyone, could not keep anything down, lost 80 lbs was JUST NOT ME
In March of 2009 these complications led to being placed with a brain shunt to control the amount of fluid on my brain
Finally I thought my troubles were over but in May of that year while at a follow up appt I experienced a stroke. I am however thankful it stopped at my mouth. It somewhat affected my speech and my full potential to sing but not my vision since I only had one eye to start with.
Enough already right? Well God says he will not give us more than we can bear?Let me just add a few more things into the mix of things!
Lost my Mother-in-law
Lost my Father-in-law
Lost 2 nieces and a nephew on Randys side to Suicide
I went through 3 jobs
Randy went through jobs
The failing health of my parents
My husband was diagnosed with cancer and off work for 1 year
The recent death of my husbands brother July 14 of this year
"I dont know how you have done it" you might say
I say "Trust" John H. Sammis (1846-1919) wrote the beloved hymnn "Trust and Obey for there is NO other way to be HAPPY in Jesus than to Trust and Obey!
Ive often asked why- and I believe it was to teach me personally what it is to fully trust Him and not try to be in control an itty bit, to fully turn it over, let it go, and to become a servant putting others above myself and before my own troubles. I have found staying invested in others leaves me less time to think about myself. And though I dont sing that well, I have a song in my heart to share-And most of all to be an encouragement to others.
If we put our full Trust in Him according to Romans 8:28 "All things work together for those who love the Lord."
So I ask you again What is your mountain today?Is it something too big for God? I dont think so...Just turn it over to God, Dont try to scale the mountain on your own, crossover it with the Lord and let it be just a hill! He will be faithful to us. As it says in James 1:2-4
My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy,because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance;and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing. My desire is to be known as a spiritual person full of the Joy of the Lord,and to be an encourager of others. So in closing I will close with a chorus from a favorite song:
He's been faithful
Fathful to me
Looking back His love and Mercy I see
Though in my heart I have questioned
Even failed to believe
Yet He's been faithful, faithful to me.

before you yell at me......

Our New Girl!
"Frannie"
Made in 1987
2nd Owner
She is big,however she is 2 foot shorter than "Mable" ;}

A Love that will last forever??

The picture is that of the sleeved roses that are in tubs at the checkout. Randy, it being the day before Valentines Day decided to purchase me one and place it in the fridge.Valentines morning he gets it out and gives it to me proud like Alfalfa to his teacher! I get out the vase, fill it with water and unsleeved the rose. I sought out a sharp knife and began sawing away at the stem for the perfect fit. Just couldnt cut through, upon closer investigation
I saw the wire in the stem!!

Now its crooked now its not!

"My face has been crooked since 2008. After seeing the Dr. today I have decided to have reconstructive surgery for functional purposes. In the process he explained I would develop a Mona Lisa smile! Not looking forward to another surgery but looking forward to looking somewhat normal!"

The Dash Print in Gold Frame by Simple Truths

The Dash Print in Gold Frame by Simple Truths

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